Update from Relay for Life

It's 2 am. We've been here seven hours, with five hours to go.

Mama, Daddy, Aunt Ruthie and David have gone back to their homes to sleep, and Emily, Lydia and I are still here representing the Donny Diggers.

It's been a wonderful night, and one that I will write more about later. We've been walking, participating in the different events and now I'm reflecting.

When I was fourteen, one of my dear friends, Madi, died of cancer. I kept a journal of letters to her in the year after and I want to share some of the things I wrote:

5/22/04
"My last night with you, my head was on your shoulder. I never wanted to let you go."

"I can feel you when I dance. It almost feels like your spirit is in my body."

"In the last card I sent, which I don't think you ever received, I said that I would always remember your strength. And I will, because it lives in me now."

5/28/04
"I hate the fact that you had to leave me here. And that I let you go. That I had to let you go. I want to be brave, bold and beautiful like you, but I feel lost without someone showing me how it's done. Because you are definitely the bravest, boldest & beautiful-est girl I ever knew."

"I still feel like time has stopped and everyone keeps moving around me and I don't know how to keep going... But with your strength and courage I will. I love you."

7/9/04
"I really am dreading going back to Peace Camp. Because it seems like my whole world has changed since you left. It doesn't seem right to have Peace Camp if you're not going to be there."

7/14/04
"I'm taking things one day at a time and it seems to be working better. I'm pretty nervous about Peace Camp and is doing a dance for you, but I think there's an underlying excitement and relief that I won't be alone anymore."

7/24/04
"Peace Camp was fun, but I was constantly wondering what was missing. You. No Madi in our dance... Instead a dance in honor of you. No Madi at the bottom of the pyramids, instead we all broke our backs in your honor. No more Madi Grace at Peace Camp. But you left a legacy in your short, short life. We will never forget you. Ever."

9/29/04
"It's so hard for me to look at a card with a shoe on it now. I start freaking out because on instinct, I feel like I have to buy it and then it hits me again."

10/31/04
"I don't believe in fate. I don't think anyone is destined to fail. We write our own stories, though sometimes things get in the way, and the story is short. It doesn't make it any less worthwhile."

1/28/05
"9 months. 3/4 of a year. A year ago, you were 3 months from dying. Did you know it then? Had you already accepted your end? Your dad told me you were content, that was the look on your face. I want to believe you knew it was coming, yet still persevered and was cheerful. Because that's you. And not even cancer could change that."

3/20/05
Just think, five years ago, we didn't even know each other. Isn't that weird?"

5/2/05
"It's so hard to believe it's been one year. The day just sort of passed. "

5/27/05
"I wish I could send a shoe card addressed to Madi Paterson-Watt in heaven."

The Broadways have Become Donny Diggers!

Relay for Life Central Austin is coming up in 10 days!

I have participated in Relay for Life before, most recently in 2011. It has been a powerful experience for me both times. One of my best friends, Madeleine, fought cancer when we were 14 and succumbed to it just after her 15th birthday. Madeleine's friendship and her unfortunate early passing were a defining part of my adolescent years.

April has been a month associated with cancer for me, for many years now. Madi was born and died in the month of April. Then, just over a year ago, April 10th, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. This period, a year ago, was the worst point in my life. Mama had reacted adversely to her first round of chemotherapy and was in the hospital for a month recovering. We honestly did not know if she would pull through.

But she did. And through this last year of the multiple different chemotherapy drugs and uncertain times, she has remained strong. Her doctors remind us always that the cancer is incurable--but we are finding ways to extend Mama's life, and cherishing every moment. Mama is currently in a clinical trial. Clinical trials are in part made possible by programs such as The American Cancer Society. Therefore, it is closer to our hearts than ever to fundraise for ACS's Relay for Life.

This year, my siblings and I have formed a team. We have called ourselves "The Donny Diggers" in honor of our mother's love for Donny Osmond. She even had a club as a teenager called the Donny Diggers. We are joined by our aunt and cousin. Aunt Ruthie is Mama's younger sister, and when Mama first moved back to Austin in 2010, she lived with her family for about eight months.

You probably know what's coming... we need your help! We are currently third place in highest fundraising for the Central Austin event, but I know we can do better! Donate here to my page, to our team page, to David's page, Lydia's page, Aunt Ruthie's page or Emily's page. You can also donate money by dedicating a luminaria in honor/in memory of someone and can attribute that money to us! (May I suggest my fabulous mother?)

Thank you for being part of our beloved community! It is because of you that the American Cancer Society is the official sponsor of more birthdays!

The Busy AmeriCorps Life

I've been neglecting this blog. I've thought about it a lot--I've started composing posts in my head before getting distracted again. I was going to write about how it had been six months since I completed my year in JVC. (Now it's been almost eight). I was going to write about my experience at my first adult education conference, TALAE. I was going to write about Beyoncé's amazing performance at the Super Bowl. I was going to write about how I've always loved Valentine's Day & how this Valentine's Day was the first I've had with a "real" boyfriend. I was going to write about 40 hour training I did in the month of February to become a volunteer at Safe Place. I was going to write about One Billion Rising. I was going to write about Amplify Austin. I was going to write about victim-blaming and Landen Gambill at UNC.  I was going to write about International Women's Day. I've also been meaning for a long time to write about some hot button issues, i.e. gun control and VAWA.

But the fact is, since I started my AmeriCorps term late and due to some other circumstances, I've been working 45-60 hours a week in the last few months. 1700 hours by July 31st is becoming more possible the more I work. What am I doing? Co-teaching two ESL classes M-Th during the day. Tutoring/Admin help for GED classes twice a week at night. Co-teaching three classes on Saturdays--two ESL and one Citizenship. (That's all for ALA, my actual placement) Teaching ESL once a week at Posada Esperanza. As I mentioned, just completed a 40 hour training to volunteer at Safe Place, and will probably start next week. Also volunteering once a week at Inside Books Project. PLUS twice a month AmeriCorps meetings/professional development.

So yeah, I'm busy. That's not even including my personal life (though it's not like I have much of one outside my family and my boyfriend these days anyway). But I miss writing, so I'll try to be more intentional from now on.

This past week I spent with Creative Action at a Spring Break Camp. I have missed working with kids a lot so I was really excited. It was a fabulous week working on their own TV station--KRE8 TV--that they taped different segments for over the course of the week. I was with the younger group the whole week, and with the wonderful instructors, we put together a PSA about recycling, a music video to a song we wrote, dancing with the kid stars and a voiceover to animal videos. It was pretty amazing to see the screening yesterday. I was so proud of all those kids!

Currently, I am attempting to do some spring cleaning and find stuff to donate. I'm trying to think of it as a spiritual practice of letting go of things, but that is hard for a person with hoarding tendencies...

Until next time :)

Eagle Talk Show

Host Mycah Arellano at the first Eagle Talk Show in January 2013

The site where I teach with Austin Learning Academy is Walnut Creek Elementary. We are grateful for the space they give to us and because many of our adults students have children at the elementary school, we work very closely with the school. One of the latest projects has been the brainchild of the parent support specialist, Mycah Arellano: a talk show! The bilingual talk show ("The Eagle Talk Show") focuses on issues relative to parents, especially those of young children. The debut show was in January and you can watch it here (watch for me in the second row on the left side... I'm not too hard to spot--I'm the blonde one!). Guests included the principal, program director of ALA, WC PTA president and North Park Family Dental. The next show is this week and we are all very excited!

The next show is Thursday, February 28 at 8 am. If you are interested (or know someone who may be interested in attending), it is completely free and tickets can be reserved by phone (512-841-4600) or email (TheEagleTalkShow @yahoo.com)--leave name and phone number with message.

Hope you will join us!

Inauguration Day (A Poem)

I wrote this poem in February 2009 in my creative writing class.

Inauguration Day

The Lincoln Memorial that morning

Seemed to reflect the unusually bright sun.

He spoke to the people a warning

Of the struggles and pain to come.

It was the day of his inauguration.

Trumpets sounded, wide smiles on the screen,

An event viewed across the nation.

A grandmother waits, calm and serene,

Imagining her own grandmother

Never having the chance to see this day.

Marching on Washington, holding one another

Knowing they’d find a better way.

A sigh, a laugh, that hopeful gleam

In his eye. 

He lives the dream.

Favorite Photos of 2012

I meant to do this, you know, in 2012, but since I was hit with a stomach bug right at the turn of the year, you'll forgive me for being a few days late, right? (same goes for the Xmas cards... I'm hoping I'll get them in the mail by tomorrow, but....)

Anyway, here are some of my favorite photos of 2012!

Casa DK:

Epiphany Dinner Party with our Support Team

Hayden & I dressed up for a fancy club (they wouldn't even let us sit down there without paying)

Post-ReO trip to Sequoia National Park. This is the house pic we left at Casa DK.

90's PROM with Shannon

Verbum Dei graduation with Putnam and Kevin

Richard Simmons workout class. Ladies of DK.

One of Casa DK's final dinners together--with our landlord Al, who's a foot taller than all of us.

Urban Compass:

With my best friend Daveon and his sister Desire, who were both in my class. This was the day after Mom was diagnosed, so I took a break from making the kids do worksheets and we had a photoshoot instead.

My darling friend Jennifer, who was practically attached to my hip during my time at UC.

Shantelle was one of the most difficult students to work with, but also one really made a connection with. Though it was hard to hear some of the things she confided in me, I was honored that she felt safe enough with me to do so. This girl was ahead of her time, so here's hoping everyone else catches up to her in the next few years.

Cristopher was like my son. He even seemed to know it wearing this Harry Potter shirt!  And I hope when I have a son someday, he is exactly like Cristopher: brilliant, creative, hilarious, resilient and loving.

Couldn't have survived my year at Urban Compass without my amazing supervisor, and very good friend, Annie.

Friends:

With my bestie from St. Ed's, Victoria at her cousin's quinceañera--my first one!

At Ann's annual Halloween party, she was the Statue of Liberty and I am a flamingo.

Ballet Folklórico at SEU with H-E-Buddy before a performance.

My dear friend Claudia got married to Noel!

Travel:

At Sequoia National Park with General Sherman, biggest tree in the world!

In Golden Gate Park in San Francisco during Spring Break.

This still counts as travel, even though it was only to Anaheim.  For my birthday, Lydia and I went to Disneyland!

With all the photos we took on the road trip from Los Angeles to Austin, it was really hard to narrow down what to post in this entry, but since they're all on facebook, I narrowed it down. This is in the Big Sur section of the Pacific Coast Highway on day 1 of our trip.

This was about halfway into the road trip, in Arches National Park, with Park Avenue, so named because walking down it, the rocks go straight up, similar to the buildings of Manhattan.

Family:

Lydia came to visit in my last week in LA and one of the things we did was go to Venice Beach and get matching henna tattoos--her first time!

Mama's 54th birthday. 

My family (minus Lydia) came to see me in the annual fall show with BF!

Broadway Family Thanksgiving 2012.

Broadway Family Christmas 2012.

This year has been an incredible blessing. I also want to take this moment to remember some of those lost this year: one of my favorite professors from St. Ed's, Dr. Shirley; Autumn Rose, a darling girl who has struggled with cancer for the last few years who I knew from the BPFNA and was Lydia's friend; Francis, a student I briefly worked with through ALA who died of leukemia a couple weeks ago; and of course all those who died in gun violence this year from Trayvon Martin to the children at Sandy Hook Elementary. May they rest in eternal peace.

Happy 2013!

Driving Your Own Life

I don't put a lot of store in the meaning of dreams, since I tend to have really, really weird ones, but recently I had one that I am choosing to take meaning from.

Before I started driving, like ever, as in before age 15, I had recurring dreams that I was in a car and no one was in the driver's seat and that somehow I had to drive from the passenger seat--but I couldn't simply move to the driver's seat. Ahh, dream logic. Anyway, this was before I even started learn to drive, so in the dream I didn't really know what I was doing, and it was terrifying and frustrating to be unable to really drive. According to the internet, this is kind of symbolic of feeling that you're not in control of your life, that someone else is driving your car, so to speak.

Fast forward to almost ten years later. As some of you know, I recently got out of a relationship (a month ago to the day actually), and it's been a little difficult though I know I made the right decision. I'm making the executive decision to take a break from dating entirely, which is really what I need to do for my life right now (though it has been quite difficult to let such a good guy go).

ANYWAY. I've been kind of moping around about this and questioning my choice for the last month, but I had a dream the other night that made me realize I'm doing the right thing, and it's going to be okay. I was riding in a car with the ex driving, and then ~dream logic~, somehow he is just gone and not driving the car anymore and the car is headed into an intersection with a red light. And I manage to crawl into the driver's seat and stop in time.

And just like that, I've solved my recurring dream from my teenage years and reconfirmed to myself that I am in control and can drive the course of my own life.