"My Rapist Doesn't Know He's a Rapist": A Photo

Pro Women's Health

What does it mean when I say I'm pro-choice?

It doesn't mean I'm "pro-abortion" as John McCain liked to call it in the days of the 2008 presidential campaign. It means I think abortion should be legal and an option.

I wonder all the time why the subtlety is so hard for people to recognize.

I am attempting to refrain from showing just how angry I am right now about this whole issue. Which is not just one issue--it's a plethora ranging from lack of actual sex education to lack of accessible contraception to abortions.

Abortion is a last resort, and it shouldn't even have to be as prevalent of a problem (at least according to the right-wingers that say it is) if we recognized that there are so many ways to prevent unplanned pregnancies, and actually informed people about them. Not only that, but make it accessible.

I can't deal with all these people that act like it is the absolute end of the world that an embryo is aborted, yet would not have spent the money to take care of that child had it been carried to term.

If you won't adopt, if you don't support comprehensive sex education, if you won't pay for social programs for children, especially poor ones, if you just stand there and judge the people with so many kids trailing behind them... Shut up about abortion.

You don't get a say. It's not your life, it's not your body, it's not your choice.

I hate to disrespect people's religious views, but this is just something I do not agree at all with the church on. There's this huge disconnect with reality, and I can't understand it. Yeah, the church is often behind the times, but we need to look around us and stop pretending abstinence only sex education is actually working. I feel as if the church thinks as long as they stick with it, maybe it'll stick at some point.

And it hasn't. But you know what works? Comprehensive sex education. People are going to have sex. Get over it. Let's stop pretending that it doesn't happen unless someone gets pregnant or gets an STI. Because hey, it's a little too late by then. If we taught people, especially as teens, how to protect themselves and be safe about it, then maybe there would be less unplanned pregnancies. And then maybe, just maybe, there would be less abortions?

Shocker.

This is why I support organizations like Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood exists to provide resources on sexual and reproductive health. They provide sex education to people who have questions (especially since we as school systems and society are failing in that area) and low-cost or free contraception. They also provide cervical and breast cancer screenings. And yes, they do also provide abortion services. A mere 3% of their total services.

I just struggle a lot with the idea that making abortion illegal or practically impossible to get or afford is the answer. To me, there is very obviously a bigger problem at the root here, and somehow, society is still in denial that maybe we're going about this the wrong way.

A recent victory is that the US Dept. of Health & Human Services has mandated that preventative care for women, including birth control and IUDs, as well as cancer screenings and GYN appts, be paid for by insurance companies. Without a co-pay. This shows me that maybe women's health is actually starting to be taken seriously.

But then those "most dangerous place is in the womb" billboards pop up everywhere, and I know we've still got a long way to go before we really start becoming part of the solution instead of exacerbating the problem.

I'm pro comprehensive sex education. I'm pro contraception. I'm pro choice. I'm pro Planned Parenthood.

Most of all, I'm pro women's health.

Street Harassment + Me

I've had this body my whole life. I don't remember the first time I got honked at or holla'd at, but it may have been as early as middle school. Because as soon as I hit puberty, wham! I had curves. Not that I can even say that is the full reason. It may lend to it, but the real reason is simply this: I'm a woman. If I'm walking down the street, then I'm fair game to any man who feels the need to holla.

I'm not a prude, I love my body, I'm comfortable in it. But I think about what I wear each morning in terms of what attention I'll get as I walk down the street to the bus stop or work. Some days I just don't feel like dealing with it, so I wear jeans and a t-shirt. I might not get honked at that day. But turns out, me feeling like I ain't lookin' cute--I still get honked at sometimes. I still have men pull up next to me trying to chat me up or offering me rides. But, if I wore a cute dress? It's guaranteed to happen. In jeans and a t-shirt, it's a question of whether I'll have to deal with street harassment. In a dress, or anything slightly more "feminine", it's a question of when.

I live about a seven minute walk from the bus stop where I took the bus to school last semester, and about ten minute walk from my job. No, I wasn't harassed every day. But a lot of days. It's more annoying when I get honked at (from the front and from the back, but from the back most often), but at least that's not coming into my bubble. It really creeps me out when men pull up next to me, try to offer me rides and crap. I mean, seriously? I'm not five anymore, but I pretty much still abide with the idea of not getting in cars with strangers.

I have very fortunately never had to deal with any actual assault. I am extremely grateful every time a man backs off and drives away. I hate that I feel fear every time a man pulls up next to me. What if all he wants is to ask directions? It's never happened. I don't even give them the benefit of the doubt anymore, and I hate that. I don't want to be a feminist man-hater. But considering my work is primarily in the area of intimate partner violence, and my own experience with harassment--it's hard sometimes. I know a lot of great men who treat women well. But I ask of them--do you call off your friends when they try to holla at the girls? If you don't--then you're just as bad--someone who stands idly by.

Anyone who thinks street harassment is harmless, ask yourself why the men are doing it. Do they really just want to tell me how beautiful I am? It's a power play, showing me and and other women who walk down the street that men are still in control. In the society we live in, it's accepted that you shouldn't walk around at night, especially alone. But I don't. This happens in the middle of the day. In broad daylight. In front of many other people in their cars. So don't try to tell me it isn't about putting on a show.

Race may be involved with street harassment for some, but you won't find me saying that. My body apparently is equal opportunity trigger for men of all ages and races. I can't even say one race does it more, because they don't. Just depends what part of town I'm in.

I will not stop walking everywhere. I will not be intimidated by men trying to show me who is in control. And I am speaking up. You try to holla, and you better believe I will hollaback.

Hollaback is an organization speaking against street harassment by collecting people's stories. My story was posted a couple of months ago. I invite you to take part in speaking up. You can also follow them on twitter.

It's time to be the change.