New Year's Resolutions

Last year, I made a resolution to write in this blog once a week.

I only posted 10 entries in 2013.

In my defense, for the first half of the year, I was working an average of 50 hours a week with AmeriCorps. And my mom had cancer. And I had a boyfriend. Very little writing.

Then to start of the second half of the year, my mom died. No more AmeriCorps, no more cancer or mom, no more boyfriend, lots more grief and depression. Even less writing.

But I love writing. Even as I am in the midst of trying to finish my essays for graduate school, I am thinking about all these things I'd like to write about in this blog. So I made the same new year's resolution this year--I will try to write in here at least once a week.

Today was my first day back in class--as most of you know, I teach Advanced ESL to adults--and of course, part of our lesson was about new year's resolutions. We discussed the tradition, and I had them create a few of their own for 2014.

As for me, I have made new year's resolutions since I was a teenager. They used to be a really long list--like, 50 resolutions (I was inspired to change, but usually only managed to work toward about three of them). I love to make lists. (I also love to read lists, which is probably why I love Buzzfeed so much). I make to-do lists all the time--I have them on post-its in my classroom, varying from things I need to do this week to things I need to get done/want to do in the semester. I have separate lists for types of tasks.

I also make lists in my journal--just for funsies. Lists in my journals as a teen included gems such as "Boys I Think Are Cute But I Don't Necessarily Like" (a list of about 15 boys, one of which I didn't know his name and just called him Las Palmas boy), "The People I Knew Who Were At The Middle School Dance" (there were these for every dance and party I attended in middle school), "The 7th Grade Couples At Durham School Of The Arts In 2001-2002" (if anyone needs a copy of this, let me know), and "List Of Injuries I Have Right Now" (if you knew me as a child/teen.... or even now, you'll understand why this actually took a list). More recent lists in my journal as an adult have been "Dances I Have Choreographed" (that list was over 100 items), "Dances I Want To Choreograph" (not quite as long), "Places I Want To Visit" (ever-growing, though I am slowly getting to work on it), and "How Am I Going To Finish My AmeriCorps Hours?" (sometime we'll have to talk about all the random volunteer opportunities I did during AmeriCorps so I would make my hours). Oh, and occasionally, I'll list all the states and capitals in the U.S. just to make sure I still remember them all.

But back to new year's resolutions.

I've gotten somewhat better at picking actual concrete and attainable goals for my new year's resolutions. Starting in 2011, I've made it a resolution to read 50 books a year. That first year, I made it to 48. 2012, I only read 37. But in 2013, thanks to audiobooks on my commute, I read 51! I think it's a great challenge for me to read more, which I love to do but don't always make time for. Also in 2011, I challenged myself to lose weight. I did, I joined weight watchers and lost 15 lbs. But then I moved to LA and excuses, excuses, point is, I've gained it all back and then some since then.

In January 2012, I even led a spirituality night with my community based on The Happiness Project, one of the books I read in 2011. I focused it on resolutions to make ourselves happier that year.

For years, I made it a new year's resolution to stop biting my nails. I even got a little more creative last year by trying to say I would paint my nails every week (I am less inclined to bite them when they are pretty/nasty tasting polish on them), but nope, didn't work (well maybe it would have if I had actually painted my nails that often).

Resolutions are so full of optimism. We take the things we are most insecure about and try to change them. Or we decide that that thing we've always wanted to do--this will be that year.

As regular readers know, it's hard for me to be optimistic these days. Yet, on January 2nd this year, I went shopping and happened upon a new journal that I fell in love with. I bought it and later that day decided to start writing. But in the front of each journal I've had for the last few years--it starts with lists, of course! Lists of what I want to accomplish that year, lists of habits I'd like to change or maintain, lists of what was good about the previous year, lists of what I'm looking forward to in the year ahead.

So despite it all, I made my new year's resolutions as I do every year. There's eight, but let's be real, thats probably the fewest I've made in my entire life (even last year there were at least 20). I hope you'll send me good vibes as I embark on this journey of positive change and look forward to this coming year--and I send them along your way as well!

Spirituality Night: The Happiness Project

I led spirituality night last week, and in the spirit of the new year, focused on positive changes to make in our lives. As part of my 50 books I read last year, I read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I was inspired by her book to begin my own happiness project, by focusing on what makes me happy. I decided to share a lot of what I learned from the book with my community.

The idea behind the happiness project is to approach happiness as a journey instead of a goal. Change habits so that you can focus on being happy. In our society, success is measured by wealth and not happiness. Happiness is viewed as a luxury that we can only afford if we purchase it. With that mindset, we will never find happiness, because it involves trying to get to a certain point of, "oh, if XYZ happens, THEN I'll be happy." But why wait? Happiness is available to all of us now if we look at things differently.

After first explaining what the Happiness Project was, I read some of the commandments/tips/"secrets of adulthood" for happiness from the book that I thought were useful.

A sampling:
One minute rule: If you can do it in a minute, get it done
Let it go
Forgive
Just because someone else enjoys something doesn't mean you will, and vice versa
Sing in the morning
Spend ten minutes before you go to bed cleaning
The days are long but the years are short
It's okay to ask for help
Be nice
Always say 'thank you'
You can choose what you do, you can't choose what you LIKE to do
You can do ANYTHING you want, but you can't do EVERYTHING you want
If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough
Don't keep score
One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make others happy; one of the best ways to make others happy is to be happy yourself
Enjoy the process
Act the way you want to feel

The best resolutions take vague statements like "I want to be a better friend" or "I want to exercise more" or "I want to meet new people," and turn them into concrete goals, like "I will call a friend at least once a week" and "I am going to go to the gym every day" and "I am going to join an organization so I meet people with similar interests."

I then invited my community to reflect on their own about what their own mini happiness project would look like/their own resolutions for 2012. I also wanted everyone to think about happiness and its connection to spirituality (this was spirituality night after all...), and also how they might want to explore their spirituality in the coming year. We journaled for a little while and then came back together for a short discussion. I had everyone share at least one "resolution," because we need to hold each other accountable. I wrapped up with this quote:

Happiness is the spiritual experience of love, grace and gratitude.

For more on the Happiness Project, visit Gretchen Rubin's website.


Soundtrack to the evening:
Surely We Can Change-David Crowder Band
Better Get to Livin'-Dolly Parton
I Was Here-Beyoncé
Be Happy-Mary Mary
Come Awake-David Crowder Band
Let Go-Frou Frou
Turntable-TLC
Shining Like the Sun-Kate Campbell
It's A New Day-will.i.am

Spirituality Night: With Such a Cloud of Witnesses

I led Spirituality Night again a few weeks ago, as a combination of day of the dead honoring/remembrance, discussion of who has been influential in our spirituality/faith, and a bit of reflection through Bible verses. I read some passages, we reflected and shared with the community, and I wrapped it up with another passage.

I read Romans 8 first. Some of the most powerful verses I focused on:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Then I read Hebrews 12.

Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

We then had a few minutes of silence to reflect on the passages, before sharing about our clouds of witnesses.

Why I Hate Twilight

There's plenty of reasons people are and aren't fans of Twilight. Mine are mostly to do with dating violence.

First of all, I don't see the appeal of vampires--they are inherently violent and must weaken others to feel stronger. Why is it sexy that someone wants to kill you?? In Twilight, Bella's complete lack of concern for her safety is seriously disturbing. Edward tells her he wants her blood, and she is blinded by love that he won't hurt her.

Which is a seriously not okay message to be sending. If a guy tells you he wants to hurt you, even under the guise of "love"--get out. It is not a healthy relationship.

Bella and Edward's relationship is a model of the typical codependent relationship, under the veil of romance. Bella doesn't seem to have the self-preservation instinct when it comes to being in love with a vampire. She believes that Edward would never hurt her, even though he has told her that she should be scared of him. Bella also has nothing else going on in her life besides her boyfriend, the sparkly vampire, teaching that having a boyfriend is the only thing that is important.

Edward is always very possessive of Bella, which is a red flag in relationships. Yes, relationships involve a certain amount of commitment and accountability, but thinking you have the right to know who your partner is with, where they are, what they're doing, at all times... is not okay. People have lives outside of their relationships--which is part of a healthy person and a healthy relationship.

When Edward leaves her, she attempts suicide. Yes, breakups can suck, but this shows that she was entirely too dependent on him, that she would get to this point.

At the heart of it is a love story, so I see why people like it. But it has such disturbing elements in it, that I can never support it. (Other reasons I don't like it: not very good writing and sexist)

Not to make this Harry Potter vs Twilight, but I love this: