What JVC Taught Me

My last day of JVC/Casa DK/Urban Compass was August 3rd. The last few weeks were a prolonged goodbye--birthday celebrations for me and the Mikes, DisOrientation, blessings, goodbye parties... it was hard to say goodbye to everyone. The kids had varying reactions--some were genuinely angry with me that I was leaving, some cried, some didn't seem to grasp the situation. I fell in love with the children of Urban Compass and I miss them so much already. As they get older, they may not remember me, but I know I will never forget them.

As for my community and coworkers--I cannot imagine my life without them now. It has been bizarre having less contact with them in the last month and a half, but we are trying to still stay in touch and be involved in each others' lives, though obviously it cannot be at such a high level.

It's been almost two months since the end of JVC and I don't think I've adequately written about this year, so I present to you: What JVC Taught Me.

JVC taught me about humility. From the very beginning of orientation, we were warned that we would not be able to "save" our students/clients/the world with our work. And as much as I heard those words, I don't think I truly understood how small a piece of the puzzle I was until I had worked at Urban Compass for a while. Cerebrally, I knew the challenges and the struggles that my students faced, yet how could you be prepared for the stories they told? How could you be prepared to have a second grader tell you how she witnessed her uncle's murder in a carjacking? How could you be prepared to hear the story of a father's deportation? How could you be prepared to hear about the abuse? I was reminded daily of my humanity. There was no way I could just take these children out of the poverty and violence of their lives; there was no way I could even singlehandedly guarantee that they would make it to the next grade level.

But what I could do was commit myself wholeheartedly into my work at Urban Compass and give my kids my whole self every afternoon. I helped them with their homework. I listened to their stories. I encouraged them. I disciplined them when needed. I hugged them. I loved them--and that was all I could do. It's hard to realize how little control we have on other people's lives--but taught me an important lesson in humility. I will not save the world. But the world might save me.

JVC taught me about taking chances. Living in community, we ate meals together a few times a week. I'm not much of a cook, but to hold up my share, I started cooking more often. (Though, honestly, not nearly as often as other members of my community, but I did try to make an effort) Not every dish was excellent, but I started to have a few signatures that were even requested. I've always loved exploring, and living in LA for a year meant a whole new world to see. We made a LA Bucket List, and tried to knock off something every weekend. I went and saw Wicked at Pantages alone with Christmas money. LA has so many museums, and I loved exploring them. Moving to LA itself was taking a chance, and brought on a new mindset for me in my year in JVC.

JVC taught me about making connections. I have long made connections through dance--and this year was no different, even if I didn't dance as much as I would have liked. One of my favorite memories with one of my favorite students was a day we had a dance party in the classroom after homework time was over. Putnam and I went dancing a couple times, and I started actually letting him lead when we danced. I taught "Shackles," a dance we did in Heavenly Expressions at Mt. Level to my community. A fourth grader and I did the entire "Single Ladies" dance one day in the program (she knew it better than I did, I have to confess). The ladies of DK went to Richard Simmons' workout class, and sweated our butts off and had the time of our lives.

Besides dance, I learned to make connections other ways. Hayden and I sang duets occasionally; our best one was "Jackson" but I think "Another Day" was pretty good too. We had dinner as a community about four times a week, which I think was one of the most valuable aspects of our community. We'd recap our days, share our joys and struggles, laugh a lot and often get into deep discussions. This was one of the more informal ways we came together, while our support team, Shannon and Maria, had us come together more formally. Our support team came over every other week and we had structured time as a community--they facilitated conversations that needed to be had and brought out parts of us that we were more reluctant to show. I have learned there is a place for both of these situations in forming lasting connections. Sometimes you need to have structured conversations, but sometimes you just need to spend some time together, and laugh.

JVC taught me about faith. Once a week we did spirituality nights, and we took turns planning them, occasionally teaming up. We watched movies and documentaries, danced, prayed, wrote letters, poems and journal entries, read essays, listened to talks, faith shared, made resolutions, read the bible, meditated... We explored and expanded our spirituality both together and personally. The JVC Silent Retreat was in early May, and came at a time that I most needed to recharge my faith. Immediately after this retreat, I headed home to see my mom in the hospital. There were some structured activities, but in general it was up to us to be silent and listen to God and embrace ourselves as spiritual beings. At our final "DisO" retreat, different Casas led the group in prayer--and many were very powerful, all about making peace with the year and moving forward. It was a renewal of my faith that I could move forward and take this experience with me.

JVC taught me about perseverance. The first time I was in charge of a classroom was at age 18, teaching Vacation Bible School at Mt. Level in the 2/3 year old classroom. That week was one of the most stressful of my life and I was not too interested in teaching after that. Fast forward to the summer before JVC and teaching VBS at First Baptist--things went a lot smoother. I was teaching older kids (the same age as I would be teaching later at Urban Compass) and I had a better idea of what I was doing.

When I accepted the job at Urban Compass, I hoped I would be working with older elementary--age 8 to 10 or so, but instead I was placed in the K/1 classroom. I was very apprehensive about this, and I had a very difficult time at first establishing routine, rules and consequences. But as time passed, the job got easier. I became more comfortable and the kids started responding better to me. We had our bad days, but by the end of the year, I was much more confident in my teaching abilities.

JVC taught me about beauty. Through our exploration as a community, and mine personally, I found myself constantly encountering God's beautiful creation. As a community we traveled to San Diego, the Grand Canyon, Yosemite and Sequoia National Park. We went to the beach pretty often; the many beaches of the Southland area are all beautiful in their own way. One of my favorite places I found was the rose garden at USC. I fell in love with those gorgeous California roses and loved spending time there when I needed some time away from the house.

JVC taught me about compromise. I grew up in a big family in a small space, so I figured living in community wouldn't be too hard. Well, living in intentional community is hard. There's a lot of compromise that goes on, from taking turns cooking to taking turns doing the dishes, from noise levels to movie choices, from being chatty to being quiet, from diet restrictions to trying new foods, from keeping personal stuff in common areas to a minimum to hanging out in the common areas and intentionally spending time with one another... and then of course, what to do with the cat that just walked in the house. There were a lot of arguments. But when it came down to it, we were not willing to let these things come between us as a community, and we always managed to compromise.

JVC taught me about being silly. Taking on a full time volunteer job at a nonprofit that worked with children that live in the biggest housing development west of the Mississippi was a serious undertaking. Fortunately, children are silly, and brought out my silliness. Outside of work, as a community we also took time to unwind. A particularly memorable night was Halloween, when we bobbed for apples and ate donuts off a string... We threw and attended many house parties (that's how to have fun on a budget), many of which were themed, most notably 90's prom. We'd go to Yogurtland and only eat samples (dessert on a budget) and I began to perfect my rendition of Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable" as my go-to karaoke song. And the only celebrity I really had contact with was Wayne Brady when we went to a taping of "Let's Make a Deal," where I touched his leg when he walked by. (Yes, that's my big LA celeb moment)

JVC taught me about hope. At the beginning the year, I started the quote wall at DK. I updated it pretty often, and when we left, there was only the bottom quarter of the door uncovered. These quotes were a daily reminder to us of what we were doing, and why we were doing it. They reminded us to hope. The stories that we told at the dinner table or during community/spirituality nights gave me hope too. Though the stories were often painful, I was hopeful knowing that my community and I were working to give others hope; we were committing our lives to people who needed hope.

My classroom, Room 203, gave me hope. More specifically, the sixteen loud and crazy 5/6/7 year olds that seemed to rarely actually be sitting down in it. I loved seeing the Aha! moments on my students' faces when a math problem made sense or they read a sentence perfectly. The resiliency of those children gives me hope that they will be able to break the cycle of poverty and violence they were born into. And when the fifth grade of 112th St graduated and sang "We Are the World," I found hope that these children will change the world.

JVC taught me about strength. JVC is no picnic--we are placed in difficult, demanding jobs, live with strangers, are far away from family and friends... As someone who already struggles with depression, there were times during JVC that my spirits got to an all time low, but each day I managed to get out of bed in the morning was a victory. I marched for Trayvon Martin and it was a rare monsoon rainstorm in LA--my umbrella broke and still we marched in the flooded streets; all I could think was it was the least I could do. I may have been soaked all the way through, but Trayvon Martin had been murdered, and I wasn't going to let the rain stop me from showing my solidarity.

The real test of my strength, though, came in early April with my mom's diagnosis. I didn't know how to handle it. I spent a lot of time hiding in my closet, because it felt safer in there. My community supported me. And I found strength from my mother. The first thing she said to me after she was diagnosed was "I'm a fighter, baby. We can trust God. I gave my life to him long ago, and I do have a deep peace right now. It won't be easy tho, I'll need my number one fan to cheer me." Those words came from the woman I am so much like both from genetics and because she raised me--and I knew that her strength was in me too. And she told me she wanted me to stay in JVC for the rest of my year--so I did.

JVC taught me about love. I fell in love with Casa Dorothy Kazel. I fell in love with Urban Compass. I fell in love with the City of Angels. I saw whole new worlds through my community's and kids' eyes. I found love as Ms. B/Queen Bee/Nay/Shanaynay in a city with so much to offer. I lived and worked in South Central LA, a fact that makes people gasp. People gave it up as hopeless. I found love in that hopeless place. And I found that it was hopeful. I found love in a hopeful place.

Being Ms. B

For the last eight months, I've had an alter ego: "Ms. B." My roommate Jackie has told me that she even prays for "Ms. B" as a different part of me.

This is what I hear a lot of every day:

"Ms. B! Ms. B! Ms. B! I need help! Can I go to the bathroom? Can I play with this? Ms. B! She said a bad word! He hit me! Ms. B! Ms. B! Ms. B!"

Every afternoon, I transform into Ms. B. We have fun, but there are rules. We get to play outside, do fun arts and crafts, have snack... but mostly we have to do homework. And it's not negotiable, not matter how much my 5 & 6 year olds cry about how they don't want to do it. I have to be tough on them, but it would be a disservice to them not to be. At the same time, I make sure each and every one of the children in Urban Compass knows that I love them, that I care about their success and happiness, that I am rooting for them.

We have many volunteers that come once a week; the kids are always sooooo excited to see them. They run and hug them, insist that the volunteers sit with them, play with them, tutor them. I used to feel a little ignored in these cases until I started reminding myself that I have a different role in this. They expect to see me every day. It's a given that I'll be there. I help provide a consistency that they don't have in many areas of their lives, and that is even more valuable. They're not as excited to see me, because they trust that I will always be there, and is humbling knowing I can be there for these kids this way.

Every single day I am amazed by these children. They are so strong, smart, funny, beautiful and incredibly resilient. These kids keep me going in the times of darkness.

I cannot hope to completely change their lives. I am such a small piece of the puzzle, I can only hope to be a positive influence on them. I can do small things, like show them they are loved, they are valued, help them with their homework, provide them a safe place to go after school, encourage them that the sky is the limit. I can only hope that maybe some of those small things might make a bigger difference somewhere along the line; that I can be part of some small change in the direction their lives go.

I am so blessed to have the opportunity to work with these amazing children. They have taught me so much, and I am so proud of the progress they have all made. I love being Ms. B. These kids have so much love to give, and I am honored that some of it comes to me.

Urban Compass at the Watts Farmer's Market

On February 25th, Verbum Dei High School & Urban Compass sponsored a community event in partnership with the Watts Farmer's Market. For Healthy Heart Month, we wanted to connect the families of Verb & Urban Compass to the weekly farmer's market and free zumba classes. We met at Verbum Dei, walked down to Ted Watkins Park (about 8 blocks) and then explored the farmer's market. Thanks to the Watts Farmer's Market, each family was given some market bucks to purchase some food. Strawberries were most popular with the Urban Compass kids.

Then we participated in a free Zumba class--so much fun!

We had a great day of exercise and healthy food and were glad to have so many Verb & Urban Compass families join us!

2011 Retrospective (Part 2)

As the year wraps up, I am spending a lot of time reflecting on what this year has brought to my life. This is the second in a series of these posts. See also Part 1.

Come August 6th, I was on a plane to California. I officially started JVC that day with orientation in Aptos, CA. It was a gorgeous place, but also so cold. Especially for me--it was 60 degrees and I had been dealing with 107 all summer in Austin. It was an interesting, fascinating week learning all about living in JVC and getting to know my housemates. On the way down from orientation in NorCal, we drove aways on the coast and then went to (most of us at least) our first In-N-Out experience!

The next week came my first week at Urban Compass. The kids didn't start school for almost a month after I began work, so it was mostly a lot of prep work and getting to know the ropes on the admin stuff. And then come September, the kids came back to school and though I may not have fallen in love immediately--I have now, and there's no going back. Read all Urban Compass related posts here.

At the same time, it has been a wonderful challenge to live in intentional community. My house-mates are all incredible people individually as well as a collective blessing to my life. We've had some wonderful times exploring LA and spirituality. These people help keeps me going in the foreign land that is Los Angeles. It's overwhelming at times, and we are all thankful for each other to work through the hard times together.

I have been working on driving again, and I have now officially failed the test three times. And I still hate driving, but doing my best to get my license.

It's a fascinating experience being part of JVC. We are put in such unique positions in many aspects of our lives and made to make the best of it. It's difficult, but especially with the support of my house-mates, church families, family and friends, it is do-able. As readers of my blog, you are part of my journey, and I appreciate each and every one of you. Blessings to you in 2012!

Looking for the Light

When a classmate of mine died in tenth grade, a good friend told me to look for the light in my life. I have received a lot of good advice in my life, but this is something I try to always remember when the times are dark.

And tomorrow always comes. There's always a new, fresh day to start over with. There's a lot of things I would change about my life and many that I plan to work on now that I have the time. But there are so many more things that I wouldn't change for anything. I keep looking for the light. And I can always find it if I look hard enough and if I'm not afraid of what I'll see in the process.


It's something I've been trying to remind myself in the last few weeks, where there has seemingly been a lot of darkness in people that surround me. This darkness could affect any of us in a particular circumstance, and it is especially hard to see the young ones of Urban Compass have to deal with some of the struggles that they do. I remember at the beginning of this job, I would mostly just have fun with the kids and then something would remind me of the lives they live outside of us. Lately, I can't seem to forget.


With the stories these kids tell us, it puts a whole new perspective for me on what it means to have a good childhood. I didn't grow up oblivious to the world's problems but most of them weren't at my house. My home was a safe space, my neighborhood was pretty safe. I had parents that were around and made enough money for us to live comfortably. So many of the kids we work with in Urban Compass are missing out on one or more of those things--some even, all of the above.


So it's been harder for me to look for the light, but each one of these kids is a blessing. I learn from them each day. I hope that we at Urban Compass serve as a light in their lives, which is absolutely what we strive to do.


There's one particular Urban Compass student that has shown a lot of light to me recently. She and I butted heads a lot at the beginning, and she was the one I struggled with working with the most. But she has made so much improvement in the last 8 weeks, and then still seems to like me. And she made me this picture. On the back it also said "Ms B and me are special. Ms B is nice. I am nice. We are best friends."

"Ms B and me"

And I feel like I must be doing something right. 


There's the light.

Diez Y Seis de Septiembre

I'm not Mexican. Probably obviously. And full disclosure, I did not know what Diez Y Seis was until Spanish class in high school (I mean, isn't Cinco de Mayo Mexican Independence Day? No? Then... why do we celebrate it...?). It wasn't until I went to St. Ed's that I really understood the holiday fully. You see, Diez Y Seis in 2007 changed my life.

At St. Ed's, because of our very high Mexican-American and Mexican National population, the Mexican holidays are a big deal. There is usually some celebration on campus, and St. Edward's Ballet Folklórico is often part of it. That day in 2007, I happened upon SEU BF dancing and I fell in love with folklórico then and there. I went to the interest meeting, and then started coming to practice. I struggled through the first semester and wasn't sure I wanted to stay at St. Ed's, but folklórico was the thing that made me stay, and it has made all the difference.

Fast forward four years later and three other Diez Y Seis celebrations (all of which I was part of though in 2008 as a photographer due to a sprained ankle), I now live in Los Angeles and work for an after-school program. I wanted to share my love for folklórico with my kids. I hope sometime this year to actually teach a dance, but this time due to lack of space, I had to settle for compiling a video of my different clips of my group dancing interspersed with photos. I wore my practice skirt and folklórico shoes for the program that day. Our crafts were to make maracas and papel picado.

It was a hit. At all times I had 1-4 little girls hanging off my skirt and dancing with it. There was uncooked rice all over the floor from the maracas and pieces of tissue paper from the papel picado. I played the video a few times with mariachi music in the background and every time the kids saw me on the screen, there were excited shouts of "There's Ms. B!" 

Friday was my favorite day in Urban Compass so far :) We had such a wonderful time, and I'm so glad I got to share with the kids about Mexican Independence Day and my love for folklórico.

Urban Compass Day to Day

I'm sitting at my desk in my office as I write this, about to start the Urban Compass after-school program for its fifth day this school year. I've learned everyone's names very quickly, which helps that I can call them out immediately by name if need be. My classroom is first and some second grade. If/when we have more kids enrolled this year, it may switch to being just K/1.

A typical day at Urban Compass (though we haven't quite gotten on our scheduled routine yet) starts with Ms. L, Mr. Luis and I walking over to 112th St Elementary from Verbum Dei High School (where our offices are and the program takes place). The kids meet us on the playground at 112th St, and once we've gotten them all, we walk over to Verbum Dei with them. I choose a snack helper from a different grade every day--one who is behaving well and gets to choose two friends to help me set up snack later. We then hang up their backpacks in the office and go out to the field and play.

After roughly 30-45 minutes of recreation time, I call my snack helpers to come help me set up snack. We get the snack and the classroom materials out of the office. Snack each day is a granola bar, a piece of fruit and a juicebox. During this time, I also start setting up the classrooms for homework and enrichment time. I call Ms. L to bring the rest of the kids over for snacktime, and while everyone is eating snack, I finish getting the classroom ready.

Every day except Fridays, we have a period of 50 minutes in which the kids work on their homework. If they finish their homework during that time, they can do educational worksheets (I'm only trying to get interesting ones--none of those drill things!) or math or reading games. Once it's 4:30 (earlier on Fridays), we do some kind of arts and craft or other fun activities. Ten til 5, we start cleaning up. Around 5, Ms. L walks the kids back to 112th St while Mr. Luis and I finish cleaning up and are done for the day!