Red Flags for Abusive Relationships

Here are some red flags from relationships, picked from this list.

• Your partner blames you for how they treat you, or anything bad that happens
• Your partner puts people down, including your family and friends
• Your partner tries to isolate you; control who you see/where you go
• Your partner coerces you into having sex
• Your partner cheats on you
• Your partner is physically rough with you
• Your partner does not listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings
• Your partner ignores you or gives you the silent treatment
• Your partner tells you how to dress or act
• Your partner blames all arguments and problems on you
• Your partner threatens to kill themselves if you break up with them
• Your partner calls you names or puts you down

Check out The Red Flag Campaign.

Why I Hate Twilight

There's plenty of reasons people are and aren't fans of Twilight. Mine are mostly to do with dating violence.

First of all, I don't see the appeal of vampires--they are inherently violent and must weaken others to feel stronger. Why is it sexy that someone wants to kill you?? In Twilight, Bella's complete lack of concern for her safety is seriously disturbing. Edward tells her he wants her blood, and she is blinded by love that he won't hurt her.

Which is a seriously not okay message to be sending. If a guy tells you he wants to hurt you, even under the guise of "love"--get out. It is not a healthy relationship.

Bella and Edward's relationship is a model of the typical codependent relationship, under the veil of romance. Bella doesn't seem to have the self-preservation instinct when it comes to being in love with a vampire. She believes that Edward would never hurt her, even though he has told her that she should be scared of him. Bella also has nothing else going on in her life besides her boyfriend, the sparkly vampire, teaching that having a boyfriend is the only thing that is important.

Edward is always very possessive of Bella, which is a red flag in relationships. Yes, relationships involve a certain amount of commitment and accountability, but thinking you have the right to know who your partner is with, where they are, what they're doing, at all times... is not okay. People have lives outside of their relationships--which is part of a healthy person and a healthy relationship.

When Edward leaves her, she attempts suicide. Yes, breakups can suck, but this shows that she was entirely too dependent on him, that she would get to this point.

At the heart of it is a love story, so I see why people like it. But it has such disturbing elements in it, that I can never support it. (Other reasons I don't like it: not very good writing and sexist)

Not to make this Harry Potter vs Twilight, but I love this:

Spirituality Night: Liturgical Dance

Thursday night was my turn to facilitate spirituality night, and I decided to focus on liturgical dance. I have been a dancer my entire life and part of liturgical dance groups since 9 years old.

I started a discussion on any background information my community mates knew about liturgical dance and any experience they had. I then shared a little bit about my experience, and some research I had done. Dance has been a part of Christianity from the beginning; David danced in the Bible. It was during the Reformation that dance and a lot of art got shoved out of the church and it became more of a head-y religion, sometimes at the expense of the body. We are still trying to break out of that hundreds of years later and liturgical dance is one of the ways to show we can still praise God, but in a different way.

In my own life, the church I grew up in had a liturgical dance group, but we only danced in programs outside of the 11:00 Sunday service. And we danced a lot--youth revivals, Easter Program, Christmas Program, Black History program, etc. But it wasn't until Pentacost 2005 that things changed, and we danced in the 11:00 service for the first time. There were only a couple of years I was still there afterwards, but now they are able to dance in the Sunday service often. In my Austin church, I became the choreographer of the liturgical dance group within six months. We danced about once every quarter or semester, depending on the schedule of the dancers and the church.

So, on Spirituality Night, I shared a dance we had done at Mt. Level when I was 13: "Shackles" (MaryMary). I have reused this dance often when sharing liturgical dance with others, because it is fun and simple. Most recently, I taught the girls in Chile on our mission trip in 2009. I showed my community mates that video as well.

We then had a debriefing discussion of how they felt about the dancing as an expression of faith, dancing in the church, what they learned, etc. My community mates were very responsive and totally game for the dancing which I really appreciated :) I enjoyed sharing with them a part of me that is so important. 


I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Community Night: Trash Clean-Up

On Monday night for community night, we decided to do a trash clean-up in our neighborhood. We started right around 6:30/6:45 when we all got home from work, so we'd have some time before nightfall. We each had a grocery bag to serve as our trashbag. I have done some walking in our neighborhood, and there is a lot of trash. However, I was still surprised by how much we picked up! All of our bags were full, and we only went around our block. What I picked up the most of was cigarette butts, so PSA, please don't just throw your cigarette butts on the ground!

We didn't pass many people, but there were a couple men in their yard that saw we were picking up trash, and said, "That's some good neighbor shit!" It was good reminder of how to live as good neighbors and as a community, as well as keeping the earth clean.

International Day of Peace

In honor of International Day of Peace, here are some of my favorite peace quotes.

Peace is not the product of terror or fear. Peace is not the silence of cemeteries. Peace is not the silent result of violent repression. Peace is the generous, tranquil contribution of all to the good of all. Peace is dynamism. Peace is generosity. It is right and it is duty. 
-Oscar Romero

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
-Mother Teresa

Peace is not merely a distant goal we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

There was never a good war or a bad peace.
-Benjamin Franklin

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
-Nelson Mandela

Peace is its own reward.
-Mohandas Gandhi

Diez Y Seis de Septiembre

I'm not Mexican. Probably obviously. And full disclosure, I did not know what Diez Y Seis was until Spanish class in high school (I mean, isn't Cinco de Mayo Mexican Independence Day? No? Then... why do we celebrate it...?). It wasn't until I went to St. Ed's that I really understood the holiday fully. You see, Diez Y Seis in 2007 changed my life.

At St. Ed's, because of our very high Mexican-American and Mexican National population, the Mexican holidays are a big deal. There is usually some celebration on campus, and St. Edward's Ballet Folklórico is often part of it. That day in 2007, I happened upon SEU BF dancing and I fell in love with folklórico then and there. I went to the interest meeting, and then started coming to practice. I struggled through the first semester and wasn't sure I wanted to stay at St. Ed's, but folklórico was the thing that made me stay, and it has made all the difference.

Fast forward four years later and three other Diez Y Seis celebrations (all of which I was part of though in 2008 as a photographer due to a sprained ankle), I now live in Los Angeles and work for an after-school program. I wanted to share my love for folklórico with my kids. I hope sometime this year to actually teach a dance, but this time due to lack of space, I had to settle for compiling a video of my different clips of my group dancing interspersed with photos. I wore my practice skirt and folklórico shoes for the program that day. Our crafts were to make maracas and papel picado.

It was a hit. At all times I had 1-4 little girls hanging off my skirt and dancing with it. There was uncooked rice all over the floor from the maracas and pieces of tissue paper from the papel picado. I played the video a few times with mariachi music in the background and every time the kids saw me on the screen, there were excited shouts of "There's Ms. B!" 

Friday was my favorite day in Urban Compass so far :) We had such a wonderful time, and I'm so glad I got to share with the kids about Mexican Independence Day and my love for folklórico.

Urban Compass Day to Day

I'm sitting at my desk in my office as I write this, about to start the Urban Compass after-school program for its fifth day this school year. I've learned everyone's names very quickly, which helps that I can call them out immediately by name if need be. My classroom is first and some second grade. If/when we have more kids enrolled this year, it may switch to being just K/1.

A typical day at Urban Compass (though we haven't quite gotten on our scheduled routine yet) starts with Ms. L, Mr. Luis and I walking over to 112th St Elementary from Verbum Dei High School (where our offices are and the program takes place). The kids meet us on the playground at 112th St, and once we've gotten them all, we walk over to Verbum Dei with them. I choose a snack helper from a different grade every day--one who is behaving well and gets to choose two friends to help me set up snack later. We then hang up their backpacks in the office and go out to the field and play.

After roughly 30-45 minutes of recreation time, I call my snack helpers to come help me set up snack. We get the snack and the classroom materials out of the office. Snack each day is a granola bar, a piece of fruit and a juicebox. During this time, I also start setting up the classrooms for homework and enrichment time. I call Ms. L to bring the rest of the kids over for snacktime, and while everyone is eating snack, I finish getting the classroom ready.

Every day except Fridays, we have a period of 50 minutes in which the kids work on their homework. If they finish their homework during that time, they can do educational worksheets (I'm only trying to get interesting ones--none of those drill things!) or math or reading games. Once it's 4:30 (earlier on Fridays), we do some kind of arts and craft or other fun activities. Ten til 5, we start cleaning up. Around 5, Ms. L walks the kids back to 112th St while Mr. Luis and I finish cleaning up and are done for the day!